I struggle with "homemaking".
I think I know why, its because when I do it well, it makes me invisible.
When its just me, my house is oh so clean and ORGANIZED and tidy, and there are little personal touches, like some flowers on the table. When I say just me, I mean to say me and the kids. I'm not talking about being alone and there only being my own mess to worry about. Except for right after a baby arrives, my life with JUST kids (no matter the number) runs along smoothly with a nice flow, in breathe, out breathe...when life gets complicated I simplify. When life isn't complicated I enrich the flow with extra stuff.
But when I'm not alone (as in Papa Pan is there) he has expectations - like meat included in dinner - which overwelm me on a complicated kind of day, but I do make that meat dish..
But if everything looks like it's just going along swimmingly he doesn't notice that I'm floundering and the "flow" is becoming an undertow thats dragging me down. He doesn't think to help because I appear to have it all under control. Then I rebel and I am unwilling to clean up the mess he left in the kitchen in the morning (cause some invisible little house fairy always magically cleans it up) and he comes home to the mess and at least NOTICES that I didn't clean it up and I finally get to point out all I do do in a day by NOT doing it one day.
Of course, he's peeved that the place is a mess then. But its a mess because I need some acknowledgement that I'm the one who keeps that mess at bay all the time! I know, its a temper tantrum, but there you go.
This is what I need to hear - http://www.wolfville.org/i-dont-mind
3 comments:
Does Papa Pan read this blog? Maybe he should. You've expressed what almost all women feel at one time or another.
it's so important to feel validated and appreciated. and to not have to ask for the validation in the first place. so, just in case papa pan forgets to tell you (even though i'm sure he feels it)...you're doing an amazing job. raising your babes, keeping the house together, being mud mama.
You know, I think that's why I haven't been able to land a job lately, because I seem so in control and "happy" with my lot in life that people aren't aware that I'm desperate to be working full time. I tell everybody I am busy and I keep myself busy so in fact, I am, but I am under-employed and want Work! It is a difficult line to balance on.
As for the dowager's hump, you need to work on your core muscles, front and back, and do active work, not just stuff like crunches. "Plank" is great - do like a push up only on your elbows, make sure your back is in a straight line all the way to the ankles and then hold it for as long as you can. Also, get on your hands and knees, nice and square and then hold one arm out in front parallel to the ground and the opposite leg out parallel and hold that balance. Switch sides. It's a start!
Post a Comment