October 11th 2019.
Up early for the market today. Indian summer but it's still chilly here at dawn. I'm dressed in layers sitting here at the keyboard, nettle tea at my side. Its a big old keyboard that Darkmirror brought me and Papa Pan awhile back. Its rigged to our cellphone. Something they forgot in the quest for small and portable was that eyesight fails as we get older and fingers stiffen with age (and the cold!). Frankly I could never get used to typing on a cellphone the way the kids all do. The shorthand they use drives me nuts and I was never a text messenger to begin with. Mum will not give up her laptop even though its expensive to power.
It's getting closer to the holidays so I've paid to have a booth until the end of December. The kid's old toyboxes are filled with my wares, and I've got an old rubbermaid bin filled with stuff we can trade when we do our own shopping.
Market Day has been a constant in our lives for oh...almost 12 years now? Since the very first day we moved to Wolfville. Then it was housed in the Acadia Student Centre during the winter. It had already outgrown the space when we arrived and there was always talk of a permanent structure but no one could really figure out where to put it, or where to get the cash to build it. Three years ago they got the school when it closed. We'll stay outside until the end of October though. My booth is right next to the playstructure. Fitting for the toymaker.
Market Day is our big family social outting each week. Its a place for social networking the old fashioned way - face to face. When I'm not running my own booth I volunteer to sit at the EDUCYCLE table. Papa Pan has a gift at the market - his version of one of those flaky "intention boards". Before we arrive he meditates on something we need to find out about and picks a spot to stand. Then within five minutes he'll meet someone who can help or has a connection or something. So when we were deciding where to put the EDUCYCLE info table we let Papa Pan divine the spot for it.
Its always been an informal homeschool meet too. In the old days all the kids got together and swarmed the public library. Ironically today they swarm the school and a few classrooms are set aside for them to use. Fuel costs mean they don't get the opportunity to meet in the flesh nearly as often as we'd like. It's been an interesting transformation - the homeschoolers being in the minority just a few years ago and now everyone is. Sprout LOVES this more than the apple cider popsicles. Wild Thing is a bit too old for the mob of kids but he always takes advantage of being in town to hang out with Darkmirror and his roommates. They're teaching him how to build his own drone.
We need wheat, honey, nuts, sourdough starter, potatoes, soybeans, a bit of coffee. We should see if we can afford some pork for Thanksgiving on Sunday; it'd be such a treat for everyone. I'm bringing wildcrafted soup mix, acorn flour, beeswaxed paper, liquid laundry soap, and the toys.
After the market I'm teaching a class on wildcrafting with Nature Chick for the EDUCYCLE and Papa Pan is doing a "teaching maths is easy" workshop with some nervous parents. I think Darkmirror and a few of his crew are coming back for the holiday weekend too.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Public Education is Failing Our Kids
October 10, 2019
Yes they can still teach basic literacy skills by correspondence and online but science, art, social studies?
I could s c r e a m at the inanity!
The truth is public education is a tool of the state and the state is crapping in its pants right now.
They can't provide a holistic relevant education in centralized physical schools anymore. They have known this for well over a decade. But they insist on strong arm control over the data stream (no wikipedia access, no programs from home allowed to integrate with school board programs, etc) this isn't news but here they are LUMBERING ALONG WITH THIS OUTDATED CONCEPT OF THE INTERNET WHILE TRYING TO PROVIDE ALL EDUCATION THROUGH IT!
Wild Thing is taking Canadian History this year - a "required course" for high school graduation. For some reason he doesn't exactly find studying confederation to be that relevant to his life but that is not the reason I'm pulling out my hair today. Hackers rewrote the curriculum spanning from 1990-2010 to include hundreds of pages of information that is publicly available but not something the federal government or province wants taught. I mean nothing was news to me - stuff on Canada backing out of the Kyoto accord and the anti G8 protests in Montreal for crying out loud.
The Ministry of Education's response? To shut down the course for this semester.
WOULDN'T WANT KIDS TO QUESTION HOW WE GOT HERE!
Wild Thing grinned wide and shrugged at the news...more time for hacking is what that meant.
Yes they can still teach basic literacy skills by correspondence and online but science, art, social studies?
I could s c r e a m at the inanity!
The truth is public education is a tool of the state and the state is crapping in its pants right now.
They can't provide a holistic relevant education in centralized physical schools anymore. They have known this for well over a decade. But they insist on strong arm control over the data stream (no wikipedia access, no programs from home allowed to integrate with school board programs, etc) this isn't news but here they are LUMBERING ALONG WITH THIS OUTDATED CONCEPT OF THE INTERNET WHILE TRYING TO PROVIDE ALL EDUCATION THROUGH IT!
Wild Thing is taking Canadian History this year - a "required course" for high school graduation. For some reason he doesn't exactly find studying confederation to be that relevant to his life but that is not the reason I'm pulling out my hair today. Hackers rewrote the curriculum spanning from 1990-2010 to include hundreds of pages of information that is publicly available but not something the federal government or province wants taught. I mean nothing was news to me - stuff on Canada backing out of the Kyoto accord and the anti G8 protests in Montreal for crying out loud.
The Ministry of Education's response? To shut down the course for this semester.
WOULDN'T WANT KIDS TO QUESTION HOW WE GOT HERE!
Wild Thing grinned wide and shrugged at the news...more time for hacking is what that meant.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
No more bricks and mortar schools?
October 9, 2019
Dark Mirror is coming home, they’ve closed Acadia indefinitely.
We thought the small town university would be safe but ReDS outbreaks and fears have hit them too.
He’ll still be taking classes and teaching his class, but everything’ll be on the NETwork now. I think he’ll be happy!
I suppose we should have expected it, they closed the public schools three years ago due to ReDS in urban centres and bussing costs in rural areas like this. Its been a boon for our family, Papa Pan is a teacher and can work from home now. He’s still working for the school board. Nova Scotia already had the high school set up as a distance education option. They’re slowly getting the whole system on the NETwork but hacking is making that problematic. He’s contracting to be a marker and consulting on how to provide special education to those who need it in this new era. Age isn’t an issue with this kind of “teaching”, my mom is doing a bit of marking too!
We have a lot of discussions about how the school board and ministry is failing elementary school aged kids and special needs kids. Distance courses and online education do not meet their needs at all. I’ve gone back to running my Waldorf inspired co-op from home. It’s in the flesh for those close enough, and I volunteer to do consulting/mentoring and podcasts for other home-based learners and teachers.
Now where am I going to put everyone? I think our next co-op day will be spent coppicing wood for a yurt!
Dark Mirror is coming home, they’ve closed Acadia indefinitely.
We thought the small town university would be safe but ReDS outbreaks and fears have hit them too.
He’ll still be taking classes and teaching his class, but everything’ll be on the NETwork now. I think he’ll be happy!
I suppose we should have expected it, they closed the public schools three years ago due to ReDS in urban centres and bussing costs in rural areas like this. Its been a boon for our family, Papa Pan is a teacher and can work from home now. He’s still working for the school board. Nova Scotia already had the high school set up as a distance education option. They’re slowly getting the whole system on the NETwork but hacking is making that problematic. He’s contracting to be a marker and consulting on how to provide special education to those who need it in this new era. Age isn’t an issue with this kind of “teaching”, my mom is doing a bit of marking too!
We have a lot of discussions about how the school board and ministry is failing elementary school aged kids and special needs kids. Distance courses and online education do not meet their needs at all. I’ve gone back to running my Waldorf inspired co-op from home. It’s in the flesh for those close enough, and I volunteer to do consulting/mentoring and podcasts for other home-based learners and teachers.
Now where am I going to put everyone? I think our next co-op day will be spent coppicing wood for a yurt!
For the next 6 weeks you can see me blogging the future...
http://www.superstructgame.org - Check it out - its a multiplayer game where you play yourself in 11 years time - face where we're heading and do something!
October 09, 2019
Scrumping – It’s Not Just for Apples Anymore!
It’s October in the Valley and some things don’t change. It is apple picking season.
The kids just got back from a scrumping expedition and we’re canning the spoils for the Food Bank. I was surprised by all the other things they brought back too, tomatoes, cantaloupes, broccoli and even some sad little strawberry plants (we’ll nurture them though on a windowsill).
I love this time of year, every day there’s more canning to do and once our larder was full and I could say “we’re warm and fed til next summer” we turned to helping others. The kettle and jars stay out while we process as much as we can for others. The house smells like...well, like true wealth.
Even the smell of cooking apple sauce can’t cover the stench of the half rotten broccoli though!
After doing a triage to cut out the rot and worms we put up everything we could. I was about to throw a very rotten cantaloupe into the compost when Sprout stopped me and said “Save the seeds mum!” WOW! It wasn’t that long ago that I was having to get at him to sort food waste into the chicken feed or compost bucket! Now he’s reminding me.
We scraped the seeds onto tissue and when it was dry we tore it into pieces – each with about 12 seeds. Nature Chick made envelopes for each and took the time to draw what was inside. How’s that for nostalgia! I remember when she was a little girl doing the exact same thing with the flowers from our garden. It’s still fun, even when it has become a true necessity. I’ve tried to instil a sense in the kids that we are *returning* to necessity, and that that is a good thing for us spiritually and on a global level. I’m glad my children grew up from the beginning knowing where their food came from.
We have a Friend meeting with the Spiritual Assembly in Halifax next week and they’ll help distribute the food. We’re going to pool the seeds with other local small farms and have them distributed as victory garden kits in the city. Nature Chick will be teaching youth how to get maximum yields in minimal space.
When we were done, hands a little raw, we settled down to play music and chat. Of course we discussed scrumping. Morality is a funny thing. I don’t have any problem with the kind we do, ground apples and what’s been left behind after harvesting because of rot, disease, or general wastage. The kids started talking about militant scrumpers – kids who raid crops before harvest to give away the food. I saw the gleam in Wild Thing’s eyes and it worries me.
They think I’m a mother hen but first of all these are our neighbours and these farmers have a face – they are not huge agrifood corporations even if some of them sell to the agifood industry. Most of them are on small farms under 200 acres.
Second, raids are frightening for farmers. It really isn’t just about protecting their livelihood. They already enlist migrant workers to guard crops and I wouldn’t want them to start arming them! Those bird guns the berry operations use don’t have to be all noise you know! There is little difference in the dark between a robin hood scrumper and a pirate.
Third, how would they feel if someone felt they could take our hens just because we had them?
The saved seeds are enough piracy for one day. Wild Thing always did like pirates.
October 09, 2019
Scrumping – It’s Not Just for Apples Anymore!
It’s October in the Valley and some things don’t change. It is apple picking season.
The kids just got back from a scrumping expedition and we’re canning the spoils for the Food Bank. I was surprised by all the other things they brought back too, tomatoes, cantaloupes, broccoli and even some sad little strawberry plants (we’ll nurture them though on a windowsill).
I love this time of year, every day there’s more canning to do and once our larder was full and I could say “we’re warm and fed til next summer” we turned to helping others. The kettle and jars stay out while we process as much as we can for others. The house smells like...well, like true wealth.
Even the smell of cooking apple sauce can’t cover the stench of the half rotten broccoli though!
After doing a triage to cut out the rot and worms we put up everything we could. I was about to throw a very rotten cantaloupe into the compost when Sprout stopped me and said “Save the seeds mum!” WOW! It wasn’t that long ago that I was having to get at him to sort food waste into the chicken feed or compost bucket! Now he’s reminding me.
We scraped the seeds onto tissue and when it was dry we tore it into pieces – each with about 12 seeds. Nature Chick made envelopes for each and took the time to draw what was inside. How’s that for nostalgia! I remember when she was a little girl doing the exact same thing with the flowers from our garden. It’s still fun, even when it has become a true necessity. I’ve tried to instil a sense in the kids that we are *returning* to necessity, and that that is a good thing for us spiritually and on a global level. I’m glad my children grew up from the beginning knowing where their food came from.
We have a Friend meeting with the Spiritual Assembly in Halifax next week and they’ll help distribute the food. We’re going to pool the seeds with other local small farms and have them distributed as victory garden kits in the city. Nature Chick will be teaching youth how to get maximum yields in minimal space.
When we were done, hands a little raw, we settled down to play music and chat. Of course we discussed scrumping. Morality is a funny thing. I don’t have any problem with the kind we do, ground apples and what’s been left behind after harvesting because of rot, disease, or general wastage. The kids started talking about militant scrumpers – kids who raid crops before harvest to give away the food. I saw the gleam in Wild Thing’s eyes and it worries me.
They think I’m a mother hen but first of all these are our neighbours and these farmers have a face – they are not huge agrifood corporations even if some of them sell to the agifood industry. Most of them are on small farms under 200 acres.
Second, raids are frightening for farmers. It really isn’t just about protecting their livelihood. They already enlist migrant workers to guard crops and I wouldn’t want them to start arming them! Those bird guns the berry operations use don’t have to be all noise you know! There is little difference in the dark between a robin hood scrumper and a pirate.
Third, how would they feel if someone felt they could take our hens just because we had them?
The saved seeds are enough piracy for one day. Wild Thing always did like pirates.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
In other news:
Nature Girl is bringing in food for the foodbank. Great huh? We sent in cans of tuna, cans of beans, and a six pack of whole wheat spaghetti. I talked with her about how important the food bank was to people who didn't have enough money for food and her reply was "Oh, I thought we were just doing this to get a popsicle party!" So I talked some more about the importance of helping others in the community and she said "Yeah AND we get a popsicle party for filling the bag!
This is why I am against rewards based education.
Wild Thing is still talking about the Oil getting delivered yesterday. (I'm not sure why I am capitalizing Oil, perhaps because it costs more than a dollar a litre I assume it must be a really important proper noun.) He sounds like a Shel Silverstein poem.
"I'm very afraid of being in my room
There was a big scary sound
and I knew it had to be something,
or a nothing.
it growled like a dinosaur
and shook my walls.
It was a very scary nothing"
Darkmirror set up a chthulu on top of the computer - his eyes follow me. For a furry stuffie he is very frightening.
I got out the bin of halloween stuff this morning. I hope Nature Girl's funky halloween tights fit for one more year. After that I'm cutting off the feet and giving them to Wild thing to wear as dress up tights.
This is why I am against rewards based education.
Wild Thing is still talking about the Oil getting delivered yesterday. (I'm not sure why I am capitalizing Oil, perhaps because it costs more than a dollar a litre I assume it must be a really important proper noun.) He sounds like a Shel Silverstein poem.
"I'm very afraid of being in my room
There was a big scary sound
and I knew it had to be something,
or a nothing.
it growled like a dinosaur
and shook my walls.
It was a very scary nothing"
Darkmirror set up a chthulu on top of the computer - his eyes follow me. For a furry stuffie he is very frightening.
I got out the bin of halloween stuff this morning. I hope Nature Girl's funky halloween tights fit for one more year. After that I'm cutting off the feet and giving them to Wild thing to wear as dress up tights.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A Day in the Life
12:08: Sprout wakes up crying - nurse him
12:20: Sprout is wide awake and crawling all over the bed neck arching and grunting and crying
1:00: Sprout is finally beside me and pinching my nostrils
1:30: pulling my hair and biting it.
2:00: nurse him again and BEG HIM TO SLEEP!!!
2:10: decide one of us have to go and go sit at computer and read Rolling Stone article on McCain
3:00 sneak back into bedroom try to sleep while Sprout climbs all over me
3:30 Papa pan gets Skullcap and gives 10 drops to Sprout
5:00: Sprout is finally fretfully sleeping, doze off.
7:10: Papa Pan wakes me up and in process accidentally wakes Sprout
7:15: Get Nature Girl out of bed
7:20: Nurse Sprout under quilt on couch IT IS DAMNED COLD IN HERE!!!
7:22 Wild Thing joins me complaining about cold
7:23: Nature Girl complains about cold while standing in underwear
7:24: Convince her TO GET DRESSED AND PUT ON A SWEATER TOO!
7:25: Ignore "cold! cold! cold!" whining from Papa Pan and Wild Thing
7:30: Change Sprout's poopy diaper
7:40: Wrap Sprout up in blanket and help Wild Thing get dressed
7:45: Throw cereal and cold milk at Nature Girl and apologize for shoddy breakfast while mainlining cup of coffee
7:46: Go through "Missing Socks" debacle with Papa Pan, order him to lay out clothes night before from now on
7:55: Make lunches, get sidetracked by Wild Thing's stinky potty and Darkmirror begging for "mental health break day"
8:10: Beg Nature Girl to buy hot lunch because there's only bread for one sandwich. Pack good snacks for her
8:12 TEETH EVERYONE!!!
8:13: find new toothpaste
8:15: Push kids out door with hugs and kisses and homework and notes and reminders NOT to go to friends place after school, COME HOME THROUGH WOODS
8:16: Lie on floor and close eyes for a minute.
8:17: Look at kitchen
8:18: Back away from kitchen
8:20: Sort and load washer full of sheets
8:23: Dump clean laundry to sort on bed
8:25: Make Wild Thing and Sprout breakfast - yogurt and cereal
8:28: Check email
8:30 Realize dog hasn't been out yet. Suit up boys and take Mica to orchard. Scrump ground apples
8:45: Get home and finish checking email while boys play with blocks and train set
9:00: Papa pan calls to remind me about oil being delivered. Wish we had a better wood stove.
9:05: Fold Laundry on bed, load dishwasher and run
9:15: Check sky, looks like rain, move sheets to dryer
9:20: Fill washer with LOAD of socks and underwear
9:25 Sit down with more coffee and old crusts from bread with jam, read Soulemama's blog, covet her apple peeler.
9:45 Mom calls, chat with her while tidying Darkmirror's room up
10:00: Hear Sprout in Studio and go stop mayhem NEARLY PEE MY PANTS WHEN OILMAN FILLS TANK What the Hell is that freaky scary noise in here???
10:05:Oh look the Oil man literally scared the shit out of Sprout - change diaper
10:15:Boil water for spaghetti with plans for baked spaghetti dinner
10:07: Check oil bill and immediately load up basket with kindling and bring in wood, set up stove to run right before bed with extra wood to add in morning DAMNED IF I'LL START THE FURNACE!!!
10:30: Remember water on stove, make spaghetti
10:33: Apple snacks for Wild Thing
10:35: Set him up to draw at table "Sorry bud I forgot!"
10:40: Try and get Sprout to nurse down for a nap - no go
11:00: Drag out bin of flannel sheets
11:15: Realize I have to put laundry away before I can make my bed, walk away from it.
11:20: Sit down to fix sewing machine WHY will the bobbin not wind???
11:45:GIVE UP and make lunch and eat lunch
12:15: Read with Wild Thing - the Pond Book (wrong season but he was intrigued)
12:30: Clear out dishwasher and refill
12:45: Read Castle Diary and Vikings Eyewitness books with Wild Thing
1:30: Write this out while nursing Sprout and TRYING to get him to take a nap.
1:45: change 3rd poopy diaper of the day. Cheer when SPROUT WALKS TO WILD THING!!! 4 whole wobbly steps!
1:55:Put away clothes on bed
2:10: Try to get Sprout to take a nap, wonder why the house is REALLY COLD - Wild Thing opened up all the living room windows
2:30: Give up on napping child, grit teeth and move laundry to dryer
2:45: FINALLY SPROUT IS NODDING OFF
3:00: Put Sprout down for nap, set Wild Thing up with clay and BEG him to be nice and quiet so mummy can lay down.
3:05: Put casserole in oven
3:10: Lie down with fitfully napping Sprout
3:25: Nature Girl is home from school, wakes me for snack
3:45: Nature Girl is clomping around in outdoor shoes, remind her to take them off
4:00: Darkmirror is home from school, wakes me up to say "hi"
4:45: Papa Pan calls to tell me he's getting school supplies at store do I need anything?
5:00: Get up and take casserole out - feed littles
5:30: Papa Pan gets home - Feed him and me
6:00: Take Nature Girl to drama class, hang out and surf net while class is going on
7:30 Go home, change Sprout, run bath for Wild Thing and Nature Girl, check in with Darkmirror about homework and put kids in tub
8:00 Nurse Sprout and read aloud to Papa Pan from Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate
8:15 Papa Pan takes Sprout to bed while I get the pirates out of the tub and into jammies
8:20: Prayers and bedtime for the littles
8:30: Take Darkmirror icecream, hang with him and chat
9:00: Bed read for 20 minutes ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
REPEAT...NOW THE FURNACE WON'T START
THANKFULLY THESE KIND OF DAYS ARE GETTING MORE AND MORE INFREQENT
12:20: Sprout is wide awake and crawling all over the bed neck arching and grunting and crying
1:00: Sprout is finally beside me and pinching my nostrils
1:30: pulling my hair and biting it.
2:00: nurse him again and BEG HIM TO SLEEP!!!
2:10: decide one of us have to go and go sit at computer and read Rolling Stone article on McCain
3:00 sneak back into bedroom try to sleep while Sprout climbs all over me
3:30 Papa pan gets Skullcap and gives 10 drops to Sprout
5:00: Sprout is finally fretfully sleeping, doze off.
7:10: Papa Pan wakes me up and in process accidentally wakes Sprout
7:15: Get Nature Girl out of bed
7:20: Nurse Sprout under quilt on couch IT IS DAMNED COLD IN HERE!!!
7:22 Wild Thing joins me complaining about cold
7:23: Nature Girl complains about cold while standing in underwear
7:24: Convince her TO GET DRESSED AND PUT ON A SWEATER TOO!
7:25: Ignore "cold! cold! cold!" whining from Papa Pan and Wild Thing
7:30: Change Sprout's poopy diaper
7:40: Wrap Sprout up in blanket and help Wild Thing get dressed
7:45: Throw cereal and cold milk at Nature Girl and apologize for shoddy breakfast while mainlining cup of coffee
7:46: Go through "Missing Socks" debacle with Papa Pan, order him to lay out clothes night before from now on
7:55: Make lunches, get sidetracked by Wild Thing's stinky potty and Darkmirror begging for "mental health break day"
8:10: Beg Nature Girl to buy hot lunch because there's only bread for one sandwich. Pack good snacks for her
8:12 TEETH EVERYONE!!!
8:13: find new toothpaste
8:15: Push kids out door with hugs and kisses and homework and notes and reminders NOT to go to friends place after school, COME HOME THROUGH WOODS
8:16: Lie on floor and close eyes for a minute.
8:17: Look at kitchen
8:18: Back away from kitchen
8:20: Sort and load washer full of sheets
8:23: Dump clean laundry to sort on bed
8:25: Make Wild Thing and Sprout breakfast - yogurt and cereal
8:28: Check email
8:30 Realize dog hasn't been out yet. Suit up boys and take Mica to orchard. Scrump ground apples
8:45: Get home and finish checking email while boys play with blocks and train set
9:00: Papa pan calls to remind me about oil being delivered. Wish we had a better wood stove.
9:05: Fold Laundry on bed, load dishwasher and run
9:15: Check sky, looks like rain, move sheets to dryer
9:20: Fill washer with LOAD of socks and underwear
9:25 Sit down with more coffee and old crusts from bread with jam, read Soulemama's blog, covet her apple peeler.
9:45 Mom calls, chat with her while tidying Darkmirror's room up
10:00: Hear Sprout in Studio and go stop mayhem NEARLY PEE MY PANTS WHEN OILMAN FILLS TANK What the Hell is that freaky scary noise in here???
10:05:Oh look the Oil man literally scared the shit out of Sprout - change diaper
10:15:Boil water for spaghetti with plans for baked spaghetti dinner
10:07: Check oil bill and immediately load up basket with kindling and bring in wood, set up stove to run right before bed with extra wood to add in morning DAMNED IF I'LL START THE FURNACE!!!
10:30: Remember water on stove, make spaghetti
10:33: Apple snacks for Wild Thing
10:35: Set him up to draw at table "Sorry bud I forgot!"
10:40: Try and get Sprout to nurse down for a nap - no go
11:00: Drag out bin of flannel sheets
11:15: Realize I have to put laundry away before I can make my bed, walk away from it.
11:20: Sit down to fix sewing machine WHY will the bobbin not wind???
11:45:GIVE UP and make lunch and eat lunch
12:15: Read with Wild Thing - the Pond Book (wrong season but he was intrigued)
12:30: Clear out dishwasher and refill
12:45: Read Castle Diary and Vikings Eyewitness books with Wild Thing
1:30: Write this out while nursing Sprout and TRYING to get him to take a nap.
1:45: change 3rd poopy diaper of the day. Cheer when SPROUT WALKS TO WILD THING!!! 4 whole wobbly steps!
1:55:Put away clothes on bed
2:10: Try to get Sprout to take a nap, wonder why the house is REALLY COLD - Wild Thing opened up all the living room windows
2:30: Give up on napping child, grit teeth and move laundry to dryer
2:45: FINALLY SPROUT IS NODDING OFF
3:00: Put Sprout down for nap, set Wild Thing up with clay and BEG him to be nice and quiet so mummy can lay down.
3:05: Put casserole in oven
3:10: Lie down with fitfully napping Sprout
3:25: Nature Girl is home from school, wakes me for snack
3:45: Nature Girl is clomping around in outdoor shoes, remind her to take them off
4:00: Darkmirror is home from school, wakes me up to say "hi"
4:45: Papa Pan calls to tell me he's getting school supplies at store do I need anything?
5:00: Get up and take casserole out - feed littles
5:30: Papa Pan gets home - Feed him and me
6:00: Take Nature Girl to drama class, hang out and surf net while class is going on
7:30 Go home, change Sprout, run bath for Wild Thing and Nature Girl, check in with Darkmirror about homework and put kids in tub
8:00 Nurse Sprout and read aloud to Papa Pan from Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate
8:15 Papa Pan takes Sprout to bed while I get the pirates out of the tub and into jammies
8:20: Prayers and bedtime for the littles
8:30: Take Darkmirror icecream, hang with him and chat
9:00: Bed read for 20 minutes ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
REPEAT...NOW THE FURNACE WON'T START
THANKFULLY THESE KIND OF DAYS ARE GETTING MORE AND MORE INFREQENT
Monday, October 6, 2008
I'm in a really foul mood...
I have a friend online who has a child with Asperger's Syndrome. She's going through a really rough period where their behavioural plan is not working well and their younger child is bearing the brunt of it. They've sent the older child to stay with family while they sort it all out.
My stomach churns for her. I remember very well how hard the same situation was for me.
But here's the selfish angry foul part in my emotional gut churning:
I know she is a good mom and she is doing the right thing. I know the support she is getting online is genuine and real and deserved. I know everyone else with a kid with Asperger's who has dealt with this kind of anger being directed at their other kids gets it. I know how this turns you inside out as a parent, how you know you can't sacrifice the younger children to the rages and still you want nothing more than to protect the aggressor, the child who you know can't control their rage. I know.
and it is the knowing that makes it so hard for me.
I remember standing in court in what should have been a pretty simple custody dispute over our move - we'd agreed to joint legal custody and my having physical custody 3 years earlier! I remember my ex and his lawyer making me out to be a bad mother because I had sent my child to stay with his father, to protect his younger siblings during a period like that. It didn't matter that the rages stopped completely when we finally had a proper diagnosis and he started taking medication. It didn't matter that the school faced the same rages as I did and with a regularity I never saw at home. I was portrayed as an incompetent parent. Some days I can look at that and forgive it by thinking he took an "all's fair in love and war" tact in that court room. Most days I look at it and think what a horrible betrayal it was of these siblings' bonds, and they were seperated against their will because of it.
On days like today I'm selfish. It was an attack on me. One I didn't deserve. I face enough self doubt and enough self blame for every thing that hurts my kids, every bruise the world doles out. I'm a good mother.
I asked our psychiatrist "Why is the rage an issue at school and in my home but not in his father's. Am I a lousy parent??? What should I be doing differently???"
He said "Nothing. It's because you push him out of his comfort zone, you challenge him. He needs that more than anything."
My stomach churns for her. I remember very well how hard the same situation was for me.
But here's the selfish angry foul part in my emotional gut churning:
I know she is a good mom and she is doing the right thing. I know the support she is getting online is genuine and real and deserved. I know everyone else with a kid with Asperger's who has dealt with this kind of anger being directed at their other kids gets it. I know how this turns you inside out as a parent, how you know you can't sacrifice the younger children to the rages and still you want nothing more than to protect the aggressor, the child who you know can't control their rage. I know.
and it is the knowing that makes it so hard for me.
I remember standing in court in what should have been a pretty simple custody dispute over our move - we'd agreed to joint legal custody and my having physical custody 3 years earlier! I remember my ex and his lawyer making me out to be a bad mother because I had sent my child to stay with his father, to protect his younger siblings during a period like that. It didn't matter that the rages stopped completely when we finally had a proper diagnosis and he started taking medication. It didn't matter that the school faced the same rages as I did and with a regularity I never saw at home. I was portrayed as an incompetent parent. Some days I can look at that and forgive it by thinking he took an "all's fair in love and war" tact in that court room. Most days I look at it and think what a horrible betrayal it was of these siblings' bonds, and they were seperated against their will because of it.
On days like today I'm selfish. It was an attack on me. One I didn't deserve. I face enough self doubt and enough self blame for every thing that hurts my kids, every bruise the world doles out. I'm a good mother.
I asked our psychiatrist "Why is the rage an issue at school and in my home but not in his father's. Am I a lousy parent??? What should I be doing differently???"
He said "Nothing. It's because you push him out of his comfort zone, you challenge him. He needs that more than anything."
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