Wednesday, November 5, 2008
OSCAR THE GROUCH SAYS: GIVE IT, DON'T TOSS IT - 2019
With resources stretched thin municipalities have had to cut back on waste management programs. WM, the largest waste management company in North America, has come up with a bold new bright green plan - they are ending garbage collection. Instead their formidable resources wil go to a pet project they have been funding for over a decade. THE FREECYCLE. Municipalities have embraced this plan as it cuts down on the funds needed for other social service programs.
The trucks are freshly scrubbed and will begin freecycle collection later this week. Stiff fines will be levied against those that abuse Freecycle Collection Containers - the new bright green bins were delivered this week - by dumping waste in them. Collection agents carry tagging devices to mark contents before they even arrive at the sorting warehouse.
Spokesperson Oscar the Grouch of Sesame Street fame said "We've been harping on the 'One man's trash is another's person's treasure' theme for a long time and in accordance with our new bright green principles we've decided to get out of the garbage business and "Waste Not Want Not" is our new official motto."
Industry workers are breathing a sigh of relief as their jobs turn from garbage sorting to product sorting and the stocking of freecycle shop shelves. Empty Costco's and Walmarts have been given a fresh coat of bright green paint and are opening for business this Saturday.
20 year veteran garbageman, Francine's Dad, said "I won't miss the disco rice! I've always been an enthusiastic garbage picker and our union negotiated "First Dibs" for all collection agents so I'm really happy!
What can you expect at your local Freecycle? More of the same goods that have always been offered on the Freecycle. Half used bottle of peach bodywash? It's on the shelf waiting for you to snap it up and put those dollars into your grocery budget instead.
More money for food, more parts for fabbing, fewer necessities to buy, fewer things in the landfill. It's a win win situation all around!
Posted by Kerry at Wednesday, November 05, 2008